Faded
by minasark
Summary: I had faced countless Strigoi—been held captive by them, fought them, and killed them—but in all my life, I had never been as hurt, as terrified, or as broken as I was after hearing those four damned words.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own Vampire Academy or Bloodlines or any of the wonderful characters that Rochelle Mead has created. I own the plot and any new characters._

Four words.

I had faced countless Strigoi—been held captive by them, fought them, and killed them—but in all my life, I had never been as hurt, as terrified, or as broken as I was after hearing those four damned words.

 _Love fades. Mine has._

They were replaying through my mind ever since I had bolted from the church. Who knew four words could cause so much damage?

Emotions warred within me, fighting for dominance. Devastation. Shock. Anger. Disbelief. I didn't know how to feel.

How could he have said that?

I knew that I had been pushing it. Going to the church, confronting him in a place I knew he would be unable to leave unexpectedly or raise his voice without causing a scene. I knew that he didn't want to see me, didn't want to talk to me, but I didn't care. After everything I went through to bring him back—to restore him—he owed me an explanation. One where he couldn't yell for the guards to take me away halfway through.

Why?

Why was he pushing me away? Why wouldn't he accept my forgiveness? Why wasn't he fighting for me when I had spent the last several months fighting for him?

 _I've given up on you._

The words were like a slap to the face.

How could he have given up on me? I had traveled across the globe to find him. Granted, it was for the sake of killing him, but still. I left school, left my friends, jeopardized my future...all to keep the promise we had made to each other from what seemed like a lifetime ago. I loved him. I loved him so much that it hurt and once upon a time, I knew he had loved me just as intensely.

How could he just give that up?

I didn't know what I had expected would happen once Dimitri became a Dhampir again. Even when I allowed myself to believe that he could be restored, I knew that I would most likely have to kill him to protect others, so I hadn't given what would happen once he had been restored too much thought. I'm not sure if I expected him to immediately run into my arms after Lissa had staked him, but I sure hadn't expected him to push me away like he had over these last few days.

I knew that he would have a hard time coming to terms with what he had done in his time as a Strigoi, but I thought that it was something that we could have worked through together. I was supposed to be the one who comforted him, who helped him heal. Not Lissa.

Lissa.

A spark of frustration and jealousy flashed through me and I shook my head, trying to rid myself of it. I knew I shouldn't be mad at her, but I was. I couldn't help it and I hated it. I knew she was only doing what she thought was best for Dimitri, but what about what was best for me?

What _was_ best for me?

For months I had been convinced that I couldn't live in a world knowing that Dimitri was out there as a Strigoi and went through some admittedly insane ordeals to rectify it. Could I live in a world where Dimitri was no longer Strigoi, but no longer the Dimitri I knew—the Dimitri I loved?

Dimitri but not Dimitri.

A strangled laugh escaped my lips as I became painfully aware of how ironic this all was. Two Moroi women who had been gossiping with one another on a nearby bench looked over at me in shock after my sudden outburst. I simply ignored them as I tried to gain my bearings.

I had no idea of how long I had been walking aimlessly around court. My only objective after leaving the church was to put as much distance between me and Dimitri as possible. It only took me a moment to realize where my subconscious had taken me and I gave another half-crazed laugh.

I was standing right in front of Adrian's apartment building.

I debated with myself for a moment on whether or not I should go in, ultimately deciding that I should. While I was still reeling from the incident in the church, I wasn't the only one who was owed an explanation. As much as I was hurting over Dimitri, I knew that over the last few days, I had been a pretty terrible girlfriend. Hell, I had pretty much thrown myself at Dimitri, all but confessing my love for him, and I owed Adrian an apology.

I had made it to his floor when a sudden burst of emotion through the bond caused me to stop in my tracks. Dimitri had found Lissa and told her about what had happened in the church. I had been so consumed by my own emotional tempest that I hadn't been able to feel hers. She was upset and concerned, knowing that I wouldn't be taking what had happened well.

She was going to come looking for me.

I probed the bond a little bit more and sighed with relief. She was headed to my apartment which was on the opposite side of court.

I continued on and paused in front of Adrian's door. What if he wasn't here? I shook my head, mustering my strength. There was only one way to find out.

Within seconds after knocking, the door swung open.

"Little Dhampir! What a supr—"

His sentence was cut off as I fell into him, wrapping my arms around him in a desperate hug. For a moment he froze, shocked. Frankly, I was shocked too. I hadn't expected the swell of emotion that came over me when I saw him in the doorway.

Things had never been normal between us. It was no secret that he had been smitten with me from the moment we first met, where as I found him aggravating. He loved me when I loved no one but Dimitri and somewhere along the way, I had started to love him. Through all of it, he had always been my friend. Even when he was being manipulated by Avery and I had been drugged by Strigoi endorphins, he had still been there for me, his friendship a constant.

Adrian's arms quickly wrapped around me, his hand soothingly moving up and down my back. His clothes smelled like cologne and cloves and for once, I didn't hate the smell of his cigarettes. The smell was almost comforting. Familiar.

"It's going to be okay, Rose." Adrian murmured, pressing his lips to the top of my forehead for a quick kiss, "Whatever just happened, it's going to be alright."

I was dangerously close to crying.

"Can I come in?"

My face was pressed tightly against his chest, buried in what was no doubt an expensive cashmere sweater, so my question came out as a jumble of muted words. Adrian seemed to understand.

"Of course."

He ushered me in and he gently led me over to the plush sofa in his living room. I hadn't spent a whole lot of time in Adrian's apartment since moving to court, but it was huge—far bigger than mine. In fact, I was quite certain that my entire unit could fit in his living room.

"Can I get you anything?" he asked, after he made sure I was settled.

I slowly shook my head and fought to get my thoughts under control.

Adrian studied me and after a moment of heavy silence, it became clear that I was supposed to be the one to start this conversation.

With a heavy sigh, I began, "I'm sorry."

Adrian tilted his head confused, "Sorry? For what? For coming over here? Rose—"

"No," I interrupted, "I'm sorry for being a really shitty girlfriend."

"Rose—" Adrian began again, but stopped when I held my hand up as a signal for him to let me explain.

"Adrian, please. We both know that I haven't been that great of a girlfriend recently. First lying to you about Victor, going to Vegas, avoiding you these past few days…" I trailed off, daring to sneak a glance at him.

He met my gaze and I couldn't quite say how, we'd never been able to communicate wordlessly to each other like Dimitri and I had, but in that moment I saw that he knew about my visit to Dimitri in while he was in the palace jail.

"I'm sorry for not telling you that I saw him, that I spoke to him. I'm not going to lie to you and say that I don't love him anymore. I don't know what I feel. I just know that I care about you and you are too good of a person for me to be treating you like this. You deserve better and I'm sorry."

Adrian sat there for a moment, taking this all in. Pressing his lips together, his face uncharacteristically determined, he reached out for my hands. I let him take them.

"I knew what I was getting myself into."

I sat there shocked, "But—"

"Rose, it's your turn to listen now." He interrupted, giving me a stern, but slightly amused look, "I knew how much you loved him and like I said before, I was naïve to think that those feelings would just simply go away. Of course you're confused, you have every right to be with all that has happened, but you also need to be honest with me.

"Yes, you should have told me about visiting Dimitri—something I wasn't thrilled to hear for the first time from Lissa, by the way—but you also should have been honest with me about what you were feeling. If you were feeling something confusing for him, you should have told me. We could have talked about it."

He pressed a finger to my lips when he saw them open to speak, "I know that going to your boyfriend to talk about your ex is not the most ideal situation, but I'd rather us have a few awkward conversations than to discover you broke one of the Moroi world's top criminals from prison for said ex any day."

My mouth closed. He had a point.

"Just promise me that from here on out, we're going to be honest with one another. The truth may hurt, but lies hurt even worse."

I nodded, still a little stunned at his words, "When did you get to be so wise?"

Adrian's face softened a bit, his hand moving from my mouth, to my hair, tucking a little bit of it back behind my ear, "It comes and goes."

I smiled, leaning my head into his hand. My eyes widened as another meaning to what he said suddenly registered, "Wait, so does this mean that you don't want to break up with me?"

It was Adrian's turn to be shocked, "What? Why would we break up?"

I just stared at him, "After how I've treated you, I just thought…you know…I had no right to think that we would stay…"

"Rose," Adrian laughed, "I have an addictive personality. I'm sure you could do all kinds of terrible things and I'd still come back to you."

"I'll try not to do more bad things." I said, surprised at how relieved I was.

Adrian just smirked, "Well…be careful of how you define 'bad things.' I don't mind you doing bad things, say, in the bedroom."

I rolled my eyes. I had walked right into that one.

I gave his chest a halfhearted swat as a knock suddenly came from the door. I didn't even need to check the bond to know who it was.

"It's Lissa." I whispered frantically.

"Please, Adrian, tell her I'm not here." I whispered, my voice urgent.

The light atmosphere that had filled the room turned tense once more and after a moment's hesitation, he gave a terse nod and told me to hide out in the kitchen. Why Adrian had a kitchen this place, I had no idea. I don't think I had ever seen him boil water let alone hint at the fact that he even knew how to turn on a stove. Not surprisingly, the kitchen looked barely used, but it was full of the finest culinary appliances money could buy.

I heard murmurs coming from the living room and crept to the kitchen's doorway as quietly as I could.

"I haven't seen her all day." Adrian sighed. He sounded almost forlorn, "I'm afraid my mother has been trying her best at involving me in the intricacies and politics of living at court and I have been helping her plan yet another dinner party all morning. I actually just got home."

"I just don't know where she could be. I checked her apartment and she wasn't there. Christian is checking the Guardian café…" Lissa said, her voice full of concern.

"I'm sure she'll turn up sooner rather than later, Lissa."

"Yeah, you're right." Lissa muttered, sounding torn, "It's just that...he was really harsh with her, Adrian. She couldn't have taken it well. I know he's been trying to keep her at arm's length these past few days, but even I couldn't believe some of the things he said to her at the church."

I cautiously peeked through the door's tiny sliver of an opening and didn't need spirit to know that Adrian's aura had to be burning with anger. He'd never had patience as far as Dimitri was concerned and while I'm sure he had pieced together that I was upset over something Dimitri had done, I'm not sure that I wanted him to hear the full extent of what had taken place at the church.

"What did he say?" Adrian asked, his voice edged with barely contained restraint.

"That he no longer loved her and never would again. Adrian, he told her that he had given up on her."

Adrian's hands clenched into fists, "After all of what she did to bring him back, he had the audacity to say that?"

Lissa looked away, unable to answer.

"Well." Adrian stated, trying to compose himself, "I haven't seen Rose, but I'll let you know if I find her."

"Thank you, Adrian. She's just been through so much. I hate that this is all happening."

"Me too."

I backed away from the door, trying to get my breathing under control. All of the feelings that had warred within me as I ran from the church were starting to swirl back up again, blackness ebbing my vision, and threatening to take me into a spirit induced frenzy.

I leaned against one of the granite countertops and closed my eyes, trying to keep it together. At some point, Lissa must have left because Adrian came into the kitchen and once again took me into his arms.

For a while we stood in silence. Me trying my hardest not to cry and Adrian offering silent comfort as he patted my back.

How did everything become such a mess? Where did I even go from here? I would be assigned as Lissa's Guardian, but right now Dimitri was also her charge. How could I face him after this? How could I try to start anything with Adrian when I would have my heart broken over and over every day?

Suddenly the answer became all too clear.

"Compulse it away."

Adrian pulled away slightly, confused about what I had just said, "What?"

"The pain." I blurted out, "Please, it hurts too much."

I was begging and I hated it, but I was desperate.

"Every time I see him…I just want my heart to stop breaking."

I was surprised at how small I sounded and something in my voice must have shocked Adrian because he was looking at me with an expression I had never seen on his face. Pity.

"I don't think what you're asking me to do is appropriate. I don't want to make you forget—"

"I'm not asking you to make me forget him. I just want…"

What did I want?

 _Love fades. Mine has._

"I just want my feelings for him to fade. That's all."

"But surely with time—" Adrian started, but I just shook my head.

"I don't have time. Not with Lissa always spending time with him. Not with his archaic promise to serve and protect her. I won't get time to heal, not unless I leave again and while I don't think you would be all that opposed to an impromptu vacation, I can't do that to Lissa. I'm her Guardian."

Adrian stared at me for what seemed like hours and I could practically see his mind thinking my request through. Was it unfair for me to ask him to compel the love I had for Dimitri away?

Perhaps, but he of all people had the most to gain from doing it.

I saw the moment he made his decision and with a quick flash of what almost seemed like regret, he took my hands and held my gaze.

My mind suddenly turned cloudy.

"Rose. The love you have for Dimitri is gone. Everything that has happened this last year, everything you experienced, you will still remember, but it will seem as though it happened months ago. You will remember your relationship with him, you will remember that you used to love him, but your relationship with him is over. You have accepted this and decided to move on with your life for good.

Adrian's eyes flashed again, only this time there was no regret. His eyes were filled with something else. Anger?

"You will remember everything he has said to you, how he has treated you these past few days since being restored. You will remember each and every time Belikov has broken your heart with perfect clarity. Maybe you two can eventually become friends again, but you're leaving that entirely up to him. Until then, you will be perfectly cordial towards him whenever you're around each other."

Adrian paused for a moment unsure of what he was about to say next.

"You will forget that you asked me to do this, but if I ever say the word ' _şti_ ,' you will remember everything that I have just compelled away. Do you understand?"

I nodded and he released me, blinking as he dropped his gaze to our hands. Mine were neatly nestled in his, and I silently watched him as he studied every detail. After a moment, he looked up, meeting my gaze once more.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, giving my hands a gentle squeeze.

"Hungry. I don't suppose you have any food in that pristine kitchen of yours?"

Adrian stared at me with what almost appeared to be shock before amusement began to fill his features.

"Has there ever been a moment in time when you were not hungry?"

I tilted my head to the side and scrunched my face in mock thought. His eyes danced with laughter as he awaited my response.

"Once when I was seven, but I was so young then. So naïve. I didn't even know there were things in the world called Pop Tarts."

Adrian laughed and I found myself joining. I felt so…happy. Free.

"Pop Tarts?"

My jaw dropped, "Do you not know what a Pop Tart is?"

"I haven't the slightest idea. What exactly about this tart makes it pop?"

"Oh, Ivoshkov." I tsked, shaking my head in mock sorrow, "You poor little royal. Your world is about to get rocked."

I stood up, pulling him up with me, and headed towards the front door.

"If my world is about to get rocked then why are we not heading towards the bedroom?"

I rolled my eyes and gave his chest a halfhearted slap.

I had walked right into that one.

A/N: This chapter was _way_ longer than I anticipated. Thanks for getting through it all! I promise they'll be shorter/more manageable moving forward. I just felt that to really set this story up and really make this "Love Fades" story my own, I couldn't rush things. As much as I LOVE Romitri, I really want to give Adrian and Rose a shot in this story, but not because Rose forgot Dimitri entirely. If enough time had elapsed for Rose to heal and move on, would she have? And how will this affect Dimitri on his own path to recovery?

Let me know what you think!


	2. Chapter 2

"I've got to hand it to you, Little Dhampir. These Pop Tarts, as you call them, are quite tasty."

Safely assuming that there were no Pop Tarts to be found at Court, Adrian and I had hopped in his car and left to go to the nearest human grocery store. I had grabbed one box of each flavor, insisting that he needed to get 'the full experience' and we had made an impromptu picnic of sorts in the large garden outside his apartment building.

My head was resting on Adrian's lap as he sat with his legs stretched out on the blanket he'd brought down from his apartment. It was a very casual position, but from the scandalized looks we received from the occasional Moroi royals who passed by, you would have thought I was giving him a lap dance.

"And you haven't even tried the s'mores kind yet." I stated smugly.

Adrian chuckled and I smiled, closing my eyes. I was perfectly and utterly content, but felt strange. It was almost like I hadn't felt this relaxed in a long time, but I couldn't for the life of me understand why. I felt Adrian run his fingers through my hair and my smile grew bigger.

"If you cause it to tangle, you're a dead man." I teased.

"I'll risk it." He replied in his usual nonchalant tone.

Suddenly, his body tensed.

I opened my eyes to look up at him, wondering what would cause that kind of a reaction. I looked over and half expected to see his mother walking over to us.

Instead, I saw Christian, Lissa, Dimitri, and his two Guardian chaperones.

"Rose there you are!" Lissa exclaimed, rushing up to where Adrian and I sat, "I've been looking for you."

Lissa paused, taking the two of us in. She was confused. It clear that she hadn't been expecting me to be lounging on a picnic blanket with Adrian.

I checked the bond and was slightly shocked at her thoughts. She had been expecting me to be upset about Dimitri.

Why did she think I would be upset about Dimitri?

I gasped a little when I realized what was going on. She thought I would be upset about what had happened in the church.

Why would I be upset about that? I mean, okay, sure it had hurt at the time and I wasn't exactly happy to see Dimitri standing next to her at that moment, but we were over. I didn't love him anymore and he made it perfectly clear that he no longer loved me. What else was there to say?

 _Had it really only happened this morning?_ A voice inside my head asked. It seemed like it was ages ago.

Lissa frowned, bringing my focus back to the present, "Are you guys eating Pop Tarts?"

I sat up and shifted over a little, making room on the blanket, "Yeah. Do you want some?"

Despite her concern for me, a little smile broke across her face, "I haven't had one of these since…"

"Portland."

She locked eyes with me and gave me a small nod, deciding that for the moment I was actually okay, though I knew I had a long talk with her ahead of me.

"Maybe later. I just wanted to see what you were up to. I hadn't seen you in a while."

I gave her a tight smile. While I appreciated her concern, I wanted her to stop worrying about me. People broke up all the time. Her and Christian were still broken up. Besides, what Dimitri and I did wasn't technically a break up. I had been dating Adrian for nearly three months now and sure I still harbored some feelings for Dimitri during that time, but they were gone now. The incident in the church was the last straw. I was done with him.

"Just been doing a lot of thinking is all."

"And eating." Christian commented wryly, looking pointedly at the empty wrappers that were strewn about the blanket, "I swear, I don't know how you eat nothing but junk food and still manage to stay in shape."

"Yeah, well, fighting Strigoi burns a lot of calories." I fired back, crumpling up one of the wrappers into a ball and hurling it at his head.

I saw something move out of the corner of my eye and turned to see Dimitri shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other as he looked everywhere but in my direction.

I felt a slight pang of guilt knowing that he must have taken that last comment personally since my last few Strigoi confrontations all involved him, but it quickly went away.

I didn't owe him any apologies.

"So...any plans for the evening?" I asked, knowing how lame the words sounded. Everyone seemed to have gotten the full meaning of my last comment and knew that I was trying to change the subject.

Lissa shifted her weight nervously, "Well, I was wondering if you two would be up for a movie night like the ones we had back at the Academy. Guardian assignments take place next week and I was hoping to get everyone back together one last time before things change."

I rose my eyebrows at that last line.

"Well, more so than they already have." She continued with an exasperated sigh. "Eddie could get assigned to practically anywhere and Mia might be leaving court soon. We'll go off to Lehigh soon and Christian and Tasha are petitioning the Queen about setting up a Moroi training program. We'll all be busy and everything will be...well, different."

Adrian made a noise that sounded like clearing his throat, "I believe you forgot about me and my great future endeavors, Cousin."

"And what great future endeavors would these be?" Christian asked, an amused look on his face.

I shifted to look at Adrian, genuinely curious. We had never really talked about our lives in the long term, or at least, how we would fit in each other's lives in the long term. We always knew I'd be Lissa's Guardian and that I would follow her to Lehigh, but we never talked about what Adrian was going to do.

"That information is top secret and above your pay grade." Adrian quipped, popping a piece of blueberry Pop Tart into his mouth.

"I'm sure it is." Christian laughed, shaking his head.

I made a mental note to revisit this conversation once we were alone and turned back to face Lissa, "We would love to join you for a movie night later. Just let us know where and when."

Lissa smiled, "Great! And then...maybe we could get breakfast tomorrow morning just the two of us?"

I laughed at her thinly veiled excuse to get me alone to ask me the many questions that were buzzing through her mind and nodded. I would have to face her sometime.

"That sounds great, Lis."

Lissa beamed, "Well, we'll leave to to finish your picnic. See you two later."

I gave a weak wave to Lissa as I moved to lay back down on Adrian's lap when I caught Dimitri's eyes and froze. I couldn't quite identify the look that was in his eyes—it was an alternating combination of sorrow, pain, and guilt—and my temper flared. What did he have to feel sad about?

He was the one who did this to himself—to us.

I quickly put on my best Guardian mask and gave him a curt nod before resting my head back on Adrian's lap hoping that he got the message.

 **Author's Note:** Whoa! Thank you all so _so_ much for all of the follows, favorites, and reviews! This was a story I've been kicking around in my head for awhile and as happy as I am to be finally putting it on paper, I'm even happier to have you all read and enjoy it! Thank you again and please continue to let me know what you think! I love reading what your comments in the reviews.


	3. Chapter 3

After our impromptu picnic, Adrian and I went our separate ways. I left to head to the gym to get some training in and Adrian left to go help his mother with arrangements for a dinner party—turns out that was not just a lie he told Lissa to get her off my trail earlier.

"Believe me, Little Dhampir," Adrian stated as we came to the part in the path that split, taking us in two opposite directions on Court, "I would rather you toss me around in a stinky old gym then discuss centerpieces and place settings with my mother all afternoon."

"The Guardian Training Facility is hardly a 'stinky old gym.'" I laughed, giving him a playful shove, "But it's nice to know I have permission to toss you around. Your posh butt could use a little work out every now and then."

Adrian pulled me closer, a playful grin on his face, "Anything to get you thinking about my butt."

I _really_ needed to stop setting him up for those.

"Come on, Ivoshkov! Lissa will kill us if we're late." I immediately stated once Adrian opened his front door.

My workout had lasted longer than I had initially planned—time has a funny way of getting away from you when you're practicing Krav Maga on dummies—and I had raced back to my room, showered, and changed in record time.

"Well, hello to you too! My afternoon was terrible, thanks for asking."

I chuckled as I watched him step outside into the hallway outside his apartment, locking the door behind him. Adrian had changed since I last saw him into dark wash designer jeans and a striped crew new sweater—his standard 'casual' look—and I couldn't help but feel underdressed in comparison in my oversized sweater and leggings.

 _Get it together, Hathaway,_ I mentally scolded myself, _You're just going to lounge with friends. Besides...there's no way restrictive pants were even an option after that workout._

I crossed my arms and raised my eyebrows trying to focus on the conversation and less on my sudden burst of self doubt, "Come on, centerpieces can't be that bad."

"Oh, believe me. They are. Until you've had a thirty minute conversation about whether you should use hydrangeas or verbinum as centerpiece 'filler,' you have no idea how bad it can be."

"I'll take your word for it."

Adrian grabbed my hand, lacing my fingers with his as he brought it up to his mouth for a kiss, "It's about time you started doing that."

"Oh, ha ha." I muttered, rolling my eyes.

Out of habit, I tried to pull out of his grip once we made it outside, but he kept my hand firmly in his.

"Don't think you can get away that easily, Little Dhampir."

I made a noise in protest, but my smile gave my true feelings away. There was something so nice, so _normal_ about such a simple public display of affection. Granted the fact that I was holding the hand of Moroi Royalty court might be considered as a mini-scandal, this was something I could have never done with Dimitri. Not with the two of us appointed as Lissa's Guardians.

I gave my head a slight shake, forcing the thought of Dimitri out of my mind.

I'd be seeing him soon enough.

Despite my urging, we were the last ones to arrive at Lissa's apartment.

"I know. I know. I'm sorry." I stated as soon as Lissa opened the door, a look of mock annoyance.

She rolled her eyes and let us in with a chuckle, "When you become my Guardian, you can't be late like this, you know."

I gave her a shrug, "When I am your Guardian, I will have always living quarters next to yours, so lateness won't be that big of an issue."

A big grin broke out on Lissa's face, "I can't wait! I'm going to lobby the queen for us to share an apartment once we go to Lehigh. It'd be so much fun to be roommates again! It'll be just like when we were on our own!"

"Right!" I chimed in matching her enthusiasm, "Minus the whole fugitives on the run thing."

"I hope you're lobbying Aunt Tatiana for a two bedroom apartment otherwise we'll be seeing a whole lot more of each other, cousin." Adrian joked as he followed me, stepping into the room.

I felt my cheeks turn instantly red.

"Right, so...what movie are we watching?" I asked, non-subtly changing the subject for the second time this afternoon.

Hundreds of questions were running through Lissa's mind—the most prominent of which involving Adrian and I's sexlife—and they were coming in loud and clear. Christian chuckled to himself, clearly enjoying how uncomfortable I was while Eddie simply rolled his eyes. The only person who looked remotely as uncomfortable as I did was Dimitri, but even then, his Guardian mask was doing a pretty good job of hiding his emotions.

This night was already off to a not-so-great start and I had just barely walked through the front door.

Half-way through the movie, I untangled myself from under Adrian's arm and got up to grab some water from Lissa's kitchen.

Unfortunately, I wasn't the only one who had the same idea.

I gave Dimitri a curt nod in greeting.

The awkward silence that hung in the room was nearly tangible, but I forced myself to move as naturally and nonchalantly as I could, grabbing a glass from one of the cabinets and moving for the faucet.

I was _so_ not going to be the first one to start a conversation.

Dimitri set his water glass down and gently cleared his throat, trying to cut the tension. "I'm glad that you...seem to be doing better since this morning."

I shut off the faucet , my back involuntartily straightening at his comment.

 _Had our conversation in the church really only been that morning?_

I slowly turned around to face him, chosing my first words to him since the church as carefully as he had chosen his. "Yes, well, time moves on and so must we, I suppose."

"Rose."

If I didn't know him any better, it almost sounded like there was...regret in his voice. Which was impossible. He was certain of himself this morning. What game was he trying to play?

I clutched my glass tighter, "What?"

"I just...I'm glad you're happy. You deserve to be happy."

Oh.

I cleared my throat, wanting to get out of that kitchen as soon as possible, "I am happy. Excuse me."

He stepped in front of me, effectively stopping my exit, "Rose..if we're both to be Lissa's Guardians, we need to be cordial to one another."

"I am being cordial." I snapped, trying to keep my voice down so the others didn't hear us, "More cordial than you have been to me these last few days. I'm at least _talking_ to you."

"I had to get you to understand, Rose. Everything changed for me once I turned back. I'm not the same person anymore. Too much has happened to me."

"And what...this whole time nothing has happened to _me_?"

"That's not what I meant—"

I held up my hand to stop him and looked away, closing my eyes in an attempt to calm down. I didn't want to blow up at him again, not after this morning. Not after all that has been said.

Besides, that was the reaction he was expecting.

I opened my eyes and looked straight into his, wearing the most emotionless Guardian mask I could muster.

"I look forward to working with you, Guardian Belikov, but until then if you'll excuse me."

This time he didn't move to block me as I walked past him.

 **Author's Note:** Thanks again for all of the kind and insightful comments! Sorry that this chapter took a long time to post. Life has a funny habit of getting in the way of spending a few peaceful moments writing. :)


	4. Chapter 4

I took a deep breath before I entered the coffee shop near Lissa's apartment, for our 'chat' knowing full well that it was going to be intense. Even though after the whole Avery situation we had promised to have more open discussions with each other, I was dreading this conversation.

How could I talk to Lissa about the Dimitri problem when she was a part of it?

 _Here goes nothing._

I walked into the shop and instantly found Lissa waiting for me at a booth in the back of room. I smiled and gave a slight wave, appreciating the fact that she had picked the most secluded spot in the shop.

"Hey." I said, sliding into the booth opposite Lissa.

"Hey! I hope you don't mind, but I ordered you a double shot mocha with extra whipped cream. That's still your go to drink, right?"

"You're amazing." I sighed in appreciation, diving into my drink.

Maybe this conversation wasn't going to be so bad.

"So...you and Adrian seem pretty close."

Okay, maybe not.

"Lis, we're dating." I stated matter-of-factly, licking whipped cream off my lips.

Lissa shifted uncomfortably in her seat, "I know, but...you actually seem to be _dating_ him all of a sudden."

I opened my mouth to protest and she held up both her hands to stop me.

"Hear me out." She said, pleading with her eyes.

I gave her a slight nod and she continued, "I know you two agreed to date once you came back from Siberia, but the whole turning Dimitri back thing always stole focus—prevented you from really committing to the relationship and now in the last 24 hours you've become a _real_ couple. What happened?"

"You know what happened." I muttered, rolling my eyes.

Lissa shot me a look, "Come on. One conversation in a church doesn't make you suddenly fall out of love with someone you've countlessly risked your life to save. What happened, Rose?"

I exhaled as I set my mug down, searching for the right words to day. I was still trying to fully understand it myself.

"It was like something inside of me just snapped." I started, studying the grains of the wooden table as I spoke, unable to look my best friend in the eye, "I had spent so much time, so much effort, risked everything—my life, my future as your Guardian—everything for someone I had believed to be the love of my life and when he told me that it had all been for nothing...that he no longer loved me...I just...snapped.

"Liss, Dimitri made it seem like everything we had experienced, everything that we had shared was just...nothing. I know that he had done things as a Strigoi that would affect him after he changed back, but what he said to me in that church hurt more than those weeks he held me captive.

"And I left the church and walked and walked with no direction in mind and found myself at Adrian's and it's like everything suddenly became clear. I had been running around on a pointless crusade for a guy who hadn't even tried to save our relationship—as messed up a relationship as it was—when Adrian had been there this whole time supporting me and accepting my irrational need to save Dimitri...and I really hadn't given him a chance. So I decided to give him one."

"And you just decided that you don't love Dimitri any more." Lissa pressed.

I looked into her eyes and sighed, "The Dimitri I love no longer exists. Too much has happened. We're both different people now and I finally accepted that fact. It sucks and it hurts, but that's the reality of the situation and I just have to accept it and move on if I want to have a relatively normal life again. Especially since Dimitri is going to be in it."

Lissa flinched, "Rose, if having Dimitri around is going to cause—"

I waved her off, "No. Regardless of our past, Dimitri is one of the best Guardians out there. I want you to have the best protection and that means Dimitri needs to be a part of our team. Yeah, it'll be awkward at first, but we've trained to be your Guardian partners. It's our job to keep you safe regardless of what is going on in our personal lives."

I could tell Lissa still felt a little guilty, but she was starting to understand.

"Okay, but will you please let me know if it becomes too much? I know you like to put on a brave face, but you need to be honest with me especially since this situation has become so...complicated."

I smiled and leaned back in the booth, "Trust me, Liss. If Dimitri pisses me off, you'll be the first to know."

Lissa grinned, "I'm glad you're okay. I know this has all be hard for you and when I found out about your encounter in the church...I'm just glad you're okay. And I'm glad that you're finally giving Adrian a chance! I know you're my Guardian, but I want you to have your own life and be happy."

"Aww, thanks, Liss." I felt my eyes well with tears and immediately tried to change topics, "Speaking of being happy...I've noticed that you and a certain Ozera seem to be hanging out a lot more."

Lissa blushed and sighed, "Yeah...things are...good between us again."

I raised my eyebrows, "Good or _good_ good?"

Lissa rolled her eyes and threw a sugar packet at me.

Things were finally starting to feel back to normal.

 **Author's Note:** A little bit of a filler chapter, but things needed to be righted between Lissa and Rose before more Adrian/Rose and Dimirtri/Rose encounters can happen. Next chapter we flash forward a week for one last hoorah before official Guardian duties begin.


	5. Chapter 5

**One week later...**

"I still don't see why I can't wear any of the dresses I currently have." I stated, arms crossed watching as Lissa tore through the racks in the store. We were at one of the boutiques within court and had been at this already for half an hour. Surprise surprise, nothing so far in the pricey store catering to the Moroi elite fit my curvier figure.

"Because the only two dresses you've ever owned that would be formal enough for this event were either destroyed the evening I was kidnapped at the Academy or I'm pretty sure is still at the ski lodge in Idaho."

Oh, yeah.

"Fair point. But come on Lissa...I can't ask you to buy me a dress this nice." I stated, running my hand over a dress covered with stunning beadwork that had to cost more than $1000.

I checked the price tag. I was right.

"Think of it as my congratulations-for-officially-being-appointed-my-Guardian gift."

I rolled my eyes. There was no way I was winning this battle.

"Besides, this is our last 'hoo-rah' before we start college and I doubt we'll have the opportunity or time to get all dressed up while we're there. And...I know of a certain Moroi gentleman who would trip over himself all evening if he saw you wearing this."

With a flourish, Lissa pulled out a strapless sheath dress that was the color of a dark red wine and appeared to be made of the lightest, flowiest fabric.

I was practically tripping over myself just staring at it.

"And since it's in this material, it just might work." She was practically bouncing with excitement

I grinned and grabbed the dress from her as we headed for the dressing room, "Forget Spirit, Your real ability is to pick out the perfect dress for any occasion."

She laughed as she brought with her a dress of her own to try on.

Both of them we perfect.

Lissa and I were putting the finishing touches on each other's makeup when we heard Christian and Adrian enter Lissa's living room.

"Christian is going to be so upset that he missed out on months of dating _this_." I said with a grin, admiring my handiwork. Lissa's dress was a creamy champagne a-line gown that helped give her body the appearance of curves while the color accentuated her striking pale features. Add in a neutral smoky eye, some masterful contouring, and an elegant French twist and the look was complete.

Lissa blushed and looked away, unable to hide her smile, "I'm so happy that we're together again. That time apart...it was hard. We both grew a lot, but I missed him."

I nodded and gave her a playful shove towards her bedroom door, "Well, stop thinking about how much you missed him and get out there!"

She laughed and grabbed my hand, pulling me right along with her.

Whatever conversation the boys were having instantly came to a halt when we entered the room.

I walked over to Adrian while Lissa made her way towards Christian. I could practically feel the heat from the intensity of Adrian's stare.

I shifted weight from foot to foot, suddenly and irrationally nervous, "It feels weird having my shoulders bare. Maybe I should get a-"

Adrian held up a hand, effectively stopping me mid-babble, "The dress is perfect. Absolutely perfect. The only thing it needs is this."

He handed me a tiny black box and I shot him a questioning look as I opened it.

Inside was a small, but stunning diamond on a delicate silver chain that was inside a larger thin gold ring. It was elegant without being too ostentatious-almost understated in its beauty.

"Adrian, I can't accept this." I said, bewildered.

"Of course you can. Think of it as my gift to you for officially being hired for your life-long dream job."

I let out a shaky laugh, "Seriously, what is with that excuse today?"

Adrian motioned for me to turn around and I did, holding my hair that I had painstakingly curled up for him so he could place the necklace around my neck, "In any case, why do I need to an excuse to buy my girlfriend gifts? You knew from the beginning that I'm a gift giver, Little Dhampir."

Necklace secured, I turned around to face him, "Everyone will know that you bought it for me. It's not like a Guardian's salary could pay for a necklace like this and I haven't even cashed in my first paycheck.

Adrian shrugged, "So then they'll know. Who cares?"

I gave a cautious glance over to Christian and Lissa who were preoccupied with their own greeting and turned back to Adrian, "Once we arrive at the Guardian's ball together...everyone will know we're together."

Adrian's eyebrows shot up, "Rose, it's not like we've exactly been subtle."

I shook my head, "No. This is an official court function. It's different."

"I know." He stated matter of factly, "There's no other place I'd rather be and no person I'd rather be with. Who cares what everyone else thinks."

"Your aunt is going to be pissed."

Adrian grinned, "She'll get over it. I am her favorite nephew-she can't stay mad at me for too long."

"My apologies for running behind, Princess. I appeared to have misplaced my coat." Dimitri stated as he hurriedly walked through the door. As was traditional, the newly appointed Guardians of a Moroi had the night of the Guardian's Ball off to celebrate their new assignments before they started meaning that he would also be attending tonight's ball instead of working it.

Though I was still pretty upset with my newly official Guardian partner, I couldn't help but acknowledge how _good_ Dimitri looked. He was in a crisp black suit with a black dress shirt underneath. He had forgone a tie and had the first two buttons of his collar undone instead.

 _When was the last time I had seen him without his duster on?_

Dimitri caught me staring just as I remembered the answer to my question.

Siberia.

I looked away.

"Well, now that the gang's all here...shall we?" Adrian asked in an attempt to cut the tension that was threatening to build.

Christian cleared his throat, holding out his arm for Lissa and playing along, "We shall."

And like that, we were off.

After an hour's worth of dances and one pointed glare at another male Moroi who looked like he was going to ask to cut in, I finally started to relax under the scrutinizing stares from the other Moroi royals and enjoy being in Adrian's arms in such a public setting.

He was right, who cares what everyone else thinks?

In my line of work, these moments would be rare. I had to enjoy them while I could.

Queen Tatiana had frowned when I had walked in on Adrian's arm, but after he had made it clear to his aunt and everyone else that I was not some fling with his attentiveness and slight possessiveness, she turned her focus to someone else.

Still, I knew I probably had another fun conversation to look forward to with her in the future.

Every once and awhile I would see Dimitri talking with fellow Guardians or with Tasha, but even now, on his supposed night off, he couldn't seem to relax enough to get out on the dance floor even though Christian's cousin looked like she was trying her hardest to convince him otherwise.

I shook my head and turned my attention back to Adrian, and grinned.

He cocked his head to the side as he guided me through a spin, intrigued by my sudden change in mood, "What?"

"Oh...I was just thinking...you know how you were saying that there was no other place you'd rather be?"

He eyed me cautiously, "Yes…"

"Well, I can think of one."

"Oh?"

My grin turned devilish as I leaned towards him to whisper in his ear, "Back at my new apartment. Well, my new bedroom if we wanted to get specific."

"I think we've been here long enough. Let's get specific."

I laughed as he hastily pulled me towards the ballroom's exit.

I loved how he easily he could make me laugh. How he made me feel.

"God, I love you." I muttered, between giggles.

As soon as I realized what I had said, Adrian had abruptly stopped and spun around, facing me.

"What did you say?" He asked cautiously.

I shifted on my feet again, those irrational nerves flooding right back into me.

"I...er...love you."

The smile that broke across Adrian's face could have lit up the room and for a split second, I almost thought I could see his light of his aura.

"I love you too. Always have. Always will."

He grabbed my hands and brought them to his lips before turning around again, guiding me to the exit.

I felt my face turning red from his gesture and declaration and I looked around to see if anyone had noticed the significance of that moment.

Only one person had.

Dimitri.


	6. Chapter 6

**Three weeks later…**

We quickly fell into a routine. Dimitri and I rotating morning and evening shifts and since we were at Court, our on-duty shifts were not as rigid as they would have been outside of the wards. It was almost as if Dimitri and I had gone back into the early days of our training – before things had gotten complicated. Despite our history, we still made a good team.

A damn good team.

Adrian and I had also fallen into a routine. He would hang out with us when I was on duty and when Lissa wasn't doing official Moroi business, but his parents were starting to try to ensnare him in family duties – which I was pretty sure was an attempt to get him to stop spending so much time with me – but without fail, he would spend every night that I was not on duty with me in my new chambers next to Lissa's.

Something that Lissa didn't fail to notice.

"So, Adrian's been spending a lot of nights next door." She asked in feigned innocence as we were lounging in her living room. "Should I have asked for a bigger Guardian suite for you?"

I shot her a glare.

"I would have asked for a bigger one, had I known he'd be moving in with you."

"Very funny." I muttered, rolling my eyes.

"You do realize that when we share an apartment at Lehigh, he will have to pay his portion of the rent."

Dimitri walked in for his shift just as I threw one of the decorative pillows at our charge.

"Forgetting my teachings so quickly, Rose? We're supposed to _protect_ the Moroi, not attack them."

"Yeah, well, it was self-defense." I stated as Lissa threw the pillow back, "See? How can I be expected to work in such a hostile environment?!"

The three of us laughed for a moment before I abruptly stopped. Were Dimitri and I joking with each other? The whole situation felt weird.

Normal.

Dimitri realized it too.

I jumped from my seat, "Well, if the Princess can agree to a cease fire, I should be heading to the gym. Watch out, Comrade, she has more of an arm than you think."

Dimitri stared at me.

 _Did I just call him Comrade?_

"Well…bye." I offered lamely as I shot out of the room trying to sort out the thoughts that had started to assault my brain.

That whole moment had felt so…familiar. It was like everything had gone back to normal for a few brief seconds…but in the past our banter was always so loaded with emotion. Now it was just…full of words that felt incomplete.

With every passing day, my anger towards Dimitri was fading, but it wasn't being replaced with anything either. I wasn't as angry with him, but I didn't feel friendship towards him – at least not in the way I felt friendship towards the other guardians I worked with.

It felt…weird.

And every time I tried to pinpoint why it felt weird, it was like there was static running through my mind.

I shook my head, working myself up to a jog once I was outside of our complex.

I just needed a couple hours in the gym.

Then I would be too tired for weirdness.

"So what classes do you want to take this semester?" Lissa asked, propping her head up on her hand.

We were both sprawled out on her king-sized bed, Lissa pouring over the course listings booklet we had received in the mail while I simply doodled around the edges of mine.

"What are you asking me for?" I asked casually, focusing on the dragon I was currently sketching in the margins of the Poli-Sci section, "I take what you take. My major is your major."

Lissa shrugged, "Yeah…but I was thinking…that we could minor in something. Something that you want to minor in."

I dropped my pen, my head snapping up in surprise, "What?"

"I mean…" Lissa continued, her cheeks flushing, "You'll be my main guardian at college since we're both the same age and I know that double majoring in Political Science and History is not exactly something you're excited about…so I thought as a thank you…you could pick a minor. Something that interests you and we'd go to classes that you'd actually be excited to go to some of the time. It's the least I can do."

I was struck silent from the pure kindness of what Lissa had just offered to me.

In my whole life, I never really considered college as a real option. Sure I knew that I would most likely go as Lissa's Guardian and that I would earn a degree of some sort, but it wasn't going to be of my choosing and it was most likely not be all that useful for me after college. In fact, I was banking on flying under the radar – doing well enough to pass, but I had no dreams of being a top student.

C's and D's get degrees, right?

But this…the chance to study something that I chose for myself…an education that could help me be a better Guardian. It was an offer that is rarely given.

"Criminology." I whispered, "I think we should minor in Criminology."

Lissa beamed, "That actually sounds interesting! I was afraid you'd pick Physical Education or something."

I grinned, "Hey…the paperwork isn't filled out yet. I can still change my mind. You're pretty good at dodgeball, right? How are your rope climbing abilities these days?"

Lissa groaned in mock annoyance, "Forget I even said anything. I am _not_ under any circumstances climbing a rope."

We collapsed into a fit of giggles.

College was going to be fun.

"Adrian, if I take this blindfold off and you're naked, I am leaving." I muttered, throwing my hands on my hips.

I hated surprises in general and with Adrian's surprises…well…I never knew what I was getting with those. Lissa and I had been wrapping up a rather nice dinner of homemade mac and cheese – we figured that we had to learn to cook at lease _something_ since Christian wouldn't be around nearly as much once we went off to Lehigh – and Adrian barged in declaring that he was stealing me so that I may receive my "special surprise" before we head off to school next week.

"That surprise is coming a bit later." He stated matter-of-factly. I could practically hear his smug grin, "This surprise is different, but still near and dear to my heart."

He moved behind me, done with leading me into the room where this "surprise" was and took off the blindfold.

In front of me was one of the most beautiful abstract paintings I had ever seen.

The top of the large canvas was swirls of black with dark purples and blues that seemed to radiate chaos and intensity, but then faded into swirls of bolder purples and rich reds with less black swirls running through.

It was beautiful.

I turned to Adrian, "This had to have cost a fortune, Adrian. I can't accept it."

He shifted on his feet awkwardly, "It actually cost me nothing…I…er…made it."

My jaw practically fell to the floor, "You what? You painted this?"

He refused to meet my gaze, still shifting from foot to foot. Was he _embarrassed_?

"I did. I thought it could spruce up what is sure to be your terribly dull campus apartment and it's less of a cliché to remember me by then a framed photo. Unless you want a framed photo of us, which I could definitely get you…"

He was rambling. He _was_ embarrassed.

I shook my head, smiling, "No, I love it. I just can't believe you did this. It's good. _Really_ good Adrian. What is it?"

He looked into my eyes, relief of hearing my approval evident in his features, "It's…you actually. Well, your aura, rather. The top was what your aura was when I first met you. The bottom is what it looks like now…stronger, richer, more confident with less…chaos."

I turned back to the painting, looking at it with renewed interest, "This is what my aura looks like?"

"Yes."

"Wow." I breathed, "It's beautiful. Even before when it was…when I was taking away Lissa's Spirit darkness it's beautiful. Frightening, but still beautiful."

Adrian spun me around, "That's what you are…frightening, but beautiful."

I gave him a playful shove, "Well, I can't wait to hang it in my new apartment nonetheless. An Adrian Ivoshkov Original."

"The first of its kind."

"You should do this for a living." I blurted out, gripping his hands in mine.

He looked at me confused, "What? Paint?"

I shrugged, "Why not? I'm no art expert, but I think you're seriously talented, Adrian. Why not go to art school?"

"Me in art school?" He asked, laughing a little.

"It would be a pretty good excuse to get out of planning more social functions with your mother and aunt."

His smile turned into a look of genuine excitement, "I never thought of it that way. My father has been giving more of his 'what are you doing with your life' speeches…this could keep him quiet for a while."

"That's why you keep me around, Ivashkov. I am just full of brilliant ideas."

He smirked, "That's not the only reason why I keep you around. Ready for your other surprise? The naked one?"

I rolled my eyes and laughed in response.

 **Author's Note:** Sorry for the length between posts! New job, new house makes for quite a bit of life disruption. Hope you enjoyed the chapter! The relative normalcy will end next chapter when Rose realizes that their apartment is a three bedroom and that Dimitri will also be living with them…and is Rose starting to realize that something is not quit right with her memory? Stay tuned…


	7. Chapter 7

Move in day was a bitch and a half.

After spending what seemed like an hour circling our apartment-style student housing complex trying to get a parking spot relatively close to where we needed to unload, waiting for our turn to use the elevators along with all the other tenants and their families, I was ready to be done.

"That's it, I'm taking the stairs." I muttered, picking up my load of boxes, my patience finally wearing out.

"You have the apartment number, right?" Lissa asked, looking back at the two other guardians in our detail. Queen Tatiana wasn't taking any chances with our safety during the chaos that is move in day.

"Yep. I'll go up and clear the apartment and radio back with an all clear."

This earned a slight nod from the male guardian who was dressed to look like he could be one of our fathers –complete with the 'Proud Lehigh Dad' sweatshirt and everything.

After making sure that the stairwell was empty and camera-less (a security oversight we would need to fix), I held the boxes as though they weighed nothing and ran up the stairs in a decidedly inhuman pace.

The sooner we got all of our stuff up to our apartment, the sooner this day would be over.

Our apartment was on the third floor near the floor's fire escape. I gingerly set my boxes down and unlocked the door without making a sound.

I wasn't kidding when I said I was going to clear our apartment.

I opened and shut the door scanning our place for the first time. Straight ahead of the entryway was a rather large living room/dining room area that flowed seamlessly into the kitchen. The kitchen itself was pretty impressive: all new appliances, ample counter space with an island that had barstools on one side for seating.

I silently crept through the apartment, checking both Lissa and I's bedrooms, closet spaces, and our shared bathroom before placing a finger to my earpiece turning on my end of the com.

"All clear."

"Copy." The male guardian responded, whispering as to not be heard by the humans around him, "Entering the elevator now."

They'd be up here soon. Good. This day couldn't be over soon enough. I had just placed my boxes in my room, when I walked out into the living room and saw a door that I hadn't seen during my initial sweep.

Silently cursing myself, I crept over to the door, curious as to what it was. Another closet? Did we have a second bathroom?

I opened the door and peered in.

It was a third bedroom.

I frowned.

A third bedroom made no sense.

I walked back into the living room just as Lissa and the two guardians came in lugging various boxes and luggage.

"Liss, did you know we have a third bedroom?" I asked.

Her look of confusion matched mine as she set her suitcase down, "Three bedrooms?"

"Right." Said the male Guardian, "Three bedrooms. One for each of you and one for Guardian Belikov."

I felt as though I had been punched in the gut.

"Excuse me?" I asked, my eyebrows shooting up in shock, "Dimitri is living in this apartment? With us?"

I turned to Lissa, pleading with her through my eyes.

' _I swear I didn't know.'_ She shot through the bond.

"There has to be some kind of mistake." She said diplomatically, "Dimitri is supposed to be in the apartment across the hall."

"Queen Tatiana thought it best that both of your Guardians share your apartment." The female Guardian stated. She was in faded jeans and a generic tank top cardigan combo complete with a set of pearls around her neck – a stand in for our 'mom.'

Queen Tatiana? Of course. Living with my estranged ex would put quite the damper on my relationship with Adrian.

"She didn't want to take any chances. Lehigh is safe, but it is not nearly as warded as Court. Both Guardians should live with the Princess so that she is always covered when one is off duty."

"Understood." I muttered, grabbing the box that was marked "Kitchen Stuff" and headed to the kitchen.

"We'll go get the rest of your things if you want to stay up here and unpack." The male guardian said to Lissa.

"Thank you, that's a very kind offer." She replied, smiling sweetly. Too sweetly.

I waited all of two seconds after the two Guardians left before turning to Lissa, "Seriously? _Seriously?_ "

Lissa held up her hands, "I'll write to Tatiana about this. Surly this can be fixed."

I rolled my eyes as I started unloading the dishes from the kitchen box, "Don't waste your time. Tatiana knew _exactly_ what she was doing when she made this living arrangement."

Lissa frowned, "What do you mean?"

"She basically threw a wrench into my and Adrian's relationship and making my life that much more complicated while masking it as concern for your safety."

"But you and Dimitri have been doing so well recently! Besides, Queen Tatiana has other things to worry about than you and Adrian."

"No, she doesn't." I stated matter-of-factly as I started stacking the dishes in their respective cabinets, "She would love nothing more than if Adrian and I broke up and forcing me and Dimitri to live together is all too perfect. Yeah, things are less weird between Dimitri and I, but that doesn't mean I want to share a bathroom with him. Plus, I can only imagine how thrilled Adrian will be when I tell him the news."

"You make some fair points." Lissa said as she picked up her suitcases and started rolling them towards her room, "But I think if I just explain to the Queen—"

"I already tried."

I whirled around, nearly dropping a dish at the sound of Dimitri's voice. He stood in the doorway, holding the two packets of student welcome information that he went to go retrieve while Lissa and I moved in.

I tried not to think of how much of our conversation he had heard.

"There is no moving her from this living arrangement. We can make some apartment rules if that would make you feel better."

I crossed my arms over my chest and gave him a curt nod, unable to meet his eyes out of embarrassment.

"One: Bedrooms are off limits when the person isn't home and must always get permission to enter when the occupant is home." He offered.

I wanted to die.

"Agreed." Lissa said after taking one look at me and realizing that I wasn't going to be able to answer, "Two: We are responsible for keeping all common areas clean, picking up after ourselves, cleaning our own dirty dishes, etc."

"Agreed." Dimitri said, placing the packets down on the kitchen island, "Three: All guests must be approved by both myself and Rose. Until we can establish the security of this apartment, there should be no overnight guests."

Yep. Kill me now.

"Agreed." Lissa said reluctantly, I'm sure mourning the plans she had wanted to make with Christian for this weekend.

We stood there in silence for a moment, before Dimitri turned to me, "Rose? Any rules to add?"

"Shoes off at the door."

With that, I grabbed my duffle bag that one of the guardians had brought up on their previous trip and headed to unpack in my room.

After several minutes of silent unpacking, there was a soft knock on my door.

"Come in." I yelled, hoping that it was Lissa.

It wasn't.

"I don't like this situation any more than you do," Dimitri said, cautiously walking into my room, "But for Lissa's sake—"

"For Lissa's sake we'll get through it." I said, "That's what we do. Their needs come first."

Dimitri simply nodded in response.

"Just…don't forget to put the seat down okay? You're out numbered two to one here, so the toilet seat should always be left down."

A small smiled tugged on Dimitri's lips. We both knew how much I depended on humor during uncomfortable situations.

"Understood."

I offered him a weak smile as a small semblance of peace settled down around us.

"I heard that you got to pick your and the Princess's minor."

I nodded, putting a stack of folded tank tops into the open and waiting drawer of my dorm issued armoire.

"Criminology." He mused, "Very interesting selection."

I shrugged, "I figured it'd only help me be a better Guardian. Besides, there's a whole other legal side to it – criminal justice and all of that. Since Lissa will no doubt be very involved in Court politics for the rest of her life, I should at least try to understand the basics of the court system. That I and I figured the sociology part of it would be interesting to the both of us."

"I'm proud of you, Rose. You made an excellent selection."

I stared at him.

Despite our history, hearing those words – that he was proud of me – still made my heart swell.

"Thank you."

As quickly as that feeling came, a wave of apathy washed through me. I shook my head, trying to clear it.

Dimitri frowned, "What is it, Rose?"

"Nothing. I just feel…strange is all."

He took a careful step forward, "Strange how?"

"Strange like…I feel nothing when I know I should feel something." I shook my head again, "I don't know, I'm babbling. I think this whole move in experience is getting to me."

Dimitri looked at me like he didn't quite believe me, but nodded, "I'll leave you to it."

I nodded back and turned back to my duffle bag, taking out the rest of my clothes as Dimitri left my room and closed the door behind him.

This was going to be a long semester.


	8. Chapter 8

The first week of school went by painfully slow.

As predicted, Adrian wasn't pleased to hear about the living arrangement, but knew that as unhappy as he was, I was more upset about the situation.

Lissa, Dimitri, and I slowly fell back into a routine of sorts. We would wake up and Dimitri would have a makeshift continental breakfast set up for us on the counter. Lissa and I would go to our morning classes—Fundamentals of European History and Comparative Politics Mondays and Wednesdays; Sociology 101 and Early American Studies on Tuesdays and Thursdays—we would head back to the apartment where Dimitri would have a prepared lunch waiting for us. The three of us would eat together and debrief the morning before Lissa and I would head out for our afternoon classes—Introduction to Political Theory and Intro to Law Mondays and Wednesdays; International Relations and Fundamentals of Writing Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Dimitri would meet us after our last class and take over the night Guardian shift while I would head to the gym for an hour or two before coming back to work on homework and study with Lissa before we'd go to sleep and start all over again the next day.

During the day while Lissa and I were at class, Dimitri would walk the campus looking for security threats, train at the gym, and take naps throughout the day so that he would be awake during the evening while Lissa and I slept.

Lissa made it so that we didn't have any classes on Fridays—being Queen Tatiana's favorite had some perks I supposed—so after we'd had a month to settle in, Christian and Adrian came to spend the weekend with us. Per our apartment rules, no overnight guests were allowed, so they stayed in a hotel just off of campus at night.

Even if we were allowed overnight guests, I don't think I would have been comfortable with Adrian staying in my room with Dimitri just a few yards away.

Too weird.

"So I took your advice and applied to an art school."

Adrian and I were lounging on the living room sofa watching a so-bad-it's-good made-for-tv movie. Christian and Lissa had long since disappeared into their room and Dimitri had made himself scarce in the apartment upon the boys' arrival.

I pulled away from Adrian and gave him a playful shove, "And?!"

Adrian grinned, "I was accepted yesterday. I begin in January."

I threw myself around him, "That's wonderful! I'm so excited for you! Where are you going?"

"Lyons University."

"That's just 30 minutes away!" I exclaimed.

"That was part of the appeal."

I hugged him a little tighter, "I am so proud of you!"

"Thank you for believing in me, Little Dhampir. No one has ever…really told me I had potential to be something other than a Moroi royal before."

I pulled back a little, arms resting on his shoulders, "Of course you're more than just a Moroi royal. I mean…it took a little time to break through that playboy façade of yours, but the guy underneath is pretty damn wonderful."

Adrian grinned, "He is, isn't he?"

I gave him a playful shove just as Dimitri came out of his room heading for the kitchen.

He took one look at me practically straddling Adrian and softly cleared his throat.

Was he blushing?

I slowly moved off Adrian—who was pointedly ignoring Dimitri's intrusion—and settled back in on the sofa next to him.

As if on cue, Lissa and Christian, came into the living room oblivious to the tension that was beginning to fill the space.

"What are everyone's plans for dinner?" Lissa asked excitedly, "Christian was thinking that he could whip something up and we could just stay in. What do you think?"

"I think that sounds great!" I agreed from the couch, "It's been awhile since I've had some of Sparky's home cooking."

Christian rolled his eyes as Adrian chimed in with a sentiment similar to mine, nickname and all.

Christian and Lissa made quick work of drafting up a grocery list. Dimitri, who was the Guardian on duty, put on his jacket and looked over pointedly at Adrian and I on the sofa.

I met his gaze and raised my eyebrows, "Yes?"

"I thought we set up a two Guardian protocol for off campus trips." He stated stoically.

His statement was innocent enough, which was why Christian and Lissa paid it no mind, but the words dripped with judgement and contempt.

He looked from me to Adrian and it took all of my self-restraint not to roll my eyes at him. Instead, I snapped my own Guardian mask into place.

And here I had thought we were over this.

"You're correct, Guardian Belikov. I'll go put on my shoes." I turned to look at Adrian, "Hold down the fort or come along for the ride?"

Adrian took one look at my expression and then glanced just a little to the left—presumably reading my aura—before responding.

"I'll hold the fort down. Get the oven pre-set and all that. Christian? Anything I need to prep while you're away?"

Adrian hopped off the couch and walked over to Christian to converse about oven temperatures and getting a large stockpot of water boiling.

I stood up and mechanically went to the front door retrieve my leather boots and jacket.

One of the good things about having a boyfriend who can read your aura is that he knows when you're royally pissed off and will generally leave you alone.

My Guardian partner on the other hand, had no such talent.

"Rose, you cannot let your relationship with Adrian get in the way of your Guardian duties." He stated, buttoning his jacket up in an infuriatingly nonchalant way.

"Uh huh." I muttered as I bent down to zip up my boots, not trusting myself to look at him or say anything more, "Got it."

Unfortunately, Dimitri didn't take the hint.

"Rose, I know that being in college is a wonderful experience for you, but you have to remember—"

"That I'm Lissa's Guardian first? Yeah, receiving that message loud and clear." I interrupted.

"You don't have to act like this." Dimitri said crossing his arms.

Across the room Adrian sucked in his breath.

I slowly straightened up and looked him square in the eye, "I am fairly certain I have no idea what you are talking about. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go get the car."

"Stay here with Lissa. I'll drive."

I bit my tongue so that I wouldn't say something I regretted. Oh, we would definitely have words later, but for now, we just needed to get to the grocery store in one piece.

Lissa—finally picking up that there was something unpleasant going on—went out of her way to try to engage Christian and Dimitri in conversation to help defuse the situation, but the tension remained throughout the trip.

When we got back to the apartment, things got a little better in that there were more things to keep us all occupied. I helped Adrian cut up veggies while Lissa and Christian got to prepping the chicken. Dimitri, perhaps finally understanding that he was pushing his luck with the fact that I hadn't snapped at him yet, set the table before retreating to his room until dinner.

We got through dinner relatively well, with only a handful of awkward pauses in conversation. We started clearing the table together when Dimitri decided it was time to push the issue.

"Rose, can I speak with you a moment?"

I set the stack of plates that I had been carrying down in the sink and sighed.

This wasn't going to be pleasant.

"Sure."

He motioned for me to follow him to his room and I followed. Dimitri shut the door after I entered and sat down in his desk chair. In an attempt to not meet his gaze, I took inventory of the room, realizing that I had never even glanced into this space before, let alone had been in it prior to this.

It was set up very similarly to his room at St. Vladimir's, I realized.

My face started to heat when I thought of the circumstances as to why I had been in his room at the Academy, but mid-thought, the warmth I had begun to feel had quickly died and left me feeling nothing. Not cold. Not less warm event. Just…nothing.

It was almost as if a switch in my brain had suddenly just turned off.

But I wasn't the one who had flipped the switch.

I frowned, looking around the room again trying to make sense of what had just happened when my eyes fell on Dimitri who had clearly started to say something, but stopped when he realized something was off.

"Rose…" he started cautiously, "is everything alright?"

I looked at Dimitri—at the look of genuine concern on his face which had replaced the subtle patronizing look that had had been wearing all evening—and started to panic. The only other time he had looked at me like that was the night that the darkness had taken over and he had to talk me down from my Spirit induced rage.

The night everything had changed.

"I…I don't know." I stammered, taking a few dazed steps over to his bed and taking a seat on its edge, "I came in here ready to just yell at you, but then I started looking around and I started thinking about…how familiar this room looked and then…I just…stopped feeling things."

Dimitri listened to me patiently as I tripped over my words, looking at my clenched hands that had begun to shake.

"Stopped feeling things?" He asked, slowly scooting a little closer to where I sat, "What do you mean by that?"

"I don't know. I was feeling something and then I just wasn't. Like someone turned a switch off in my brain."

"But not you?"

I looked at him for a moment before answering, "No."

We sat in silence for what felt like the slowest thirty seconds of my life before I realized how close Dimitri had gotten to me and where I was sitting.

That warm feeling started coming back and just as swiftly as last time, abruptly stopped.

I looked away from him, panic starting anew.

I needed to get out of there.

"It just happened again, didn't it?" He asked, "Rose, what's—"

"You know what? It's probably nothing. It's just been a weird couple of hours and this is probably just a result of the tension that has been between us all evening and—"

Dimitri cut me off by grabbing both of my shaking hands with his, "Rose. Something is wrong. I can tell. You need to tell me what's going on. We need to figure out what is triggering this…mind switch. What are you feeling in the moments before it happens? Is there something specific that you are thinking about?"

My eyes were only able to focus on my hands in his. My mind was racing…but at the same time wasn't. His hands were flooding me with a warmth that quickly died as soon as I registered that it was there.

I was thinking about something specific.

I was thinking about him.

Or rather, how I felt when around him and remembering our past.

I slowly withdrew my hands from his, trying to think about what I should say.

"It feels like back when I was in Siberia with you." I whispered.

Dimitri stiffened.

"Only instead of feeling drugged I just…don't feel." I continued, "But only when I'm around you."

"But you just said that you had felt angry towards me earlier." He stated, narrowing his eyes at me like he was trying to work through a riddle.

"I did. I mean, I still kind of am when I think about it." I said, the words just falling out, "But I wasn't thinking about how you pissed me off today by trying to throw my relationship with Adrian in my face, I was thinking about…"

I immediately stopped talking.

This was so not the conversation I thought we would have this evening.

It wasn't a conversation I wanted to have with him ever.

"Thought about what, Rose?" He pressed.

I hesitated, sneaking a glance at him before I responded, "About us."

Author's Note: Sorry it took so long to update! There have been some major life changes over the past few months (Starting a new job! Moving to a new city! Traveling!) and an unexpected computer crash resulting in having to buy a new laptop and an insanely difficult time trying to recover old files. It all adds up to a fun time, BUT I just want to take a moment to thank everyone who has liked and followed this story during that time and especially thank those who have taken the time to review! Those notification emails just made me work harder to recover my lost documents and please accept this looooooong chapter as a token of my gratitude for you all waiting patiently for me to get my ish together.

Things are about to get interesting.


	9. Chapter 9

Dimitri sat perfectly still in his desk chair as my words hung in the air.

"About…us?" He asked cautiously.

"Yes." I stated, sneaking another glance at him, "Specifically about how I used to feel…towards you."

It was almost like Dimitri had turned into a statue.

"Feelings." He stated flatly, "Towards me."

"Yes. Old feelings, though." I blurted out. Good God, I was digging myself a hole, "Not current feelings. I feel nothing towards you, just to be clear."

Dimitri's eyebrows raised, "Nothing?"

"Well, aside from anger towards that macho bullshit you pulled earlier, nothing." I made a face after I realized what I had said and looked at him apologetically, "Sorry. You just…really pissed me off earlier."

Dimitri opened his mouth to speak, but I held up my hand, "I mean, you were right about the protocol we had set up, but you just really went about it the wrong way. I thought we were beyond that."

"I know." Dimitri sighed, "I should not have said what I did to you, but Rose, you have to understand…it is difficult for me. To see you with him."

This time I became the statue.

"I meant what I've said before. I am happy you are happy. You deserve to be happy, especially after…everything that I put you through in Siberia. I felt so guilty, Rose. I felt so horrible after all I had done."

"Why wouldn't you talk to me?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper, "You never talked to me after Lissa…you shut me out. After you had promised to never keep anything from me again."

"I watched you jump off a bridge, Rose!" Dimitri yelled.

I jumped at the sudden loudness of his voice. He hadn't yelled out of anger. At least, it wasn't anger directed towards me.

"You would have rather died—taken your own life—than to let me turn you. Than to be with what I had become. When Vasilissa saved me…the weight of what I had done…what I had forced you to do…"

I listened to him struggle to formulate his words, my heart breaking—but not breaking at the same time. I felt sadness, loss, indifference all at once…it was almost as my emotions were waging a war within me. Remembering everything I had experienced in Siberia. Remembering how I had felt, but then feeling nothing as I remembered.

I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts as Dimitri continued.

"You have no idea how much it hurt me to see you still looking at me with…hope. Like there was still redemption out there for me after everything I had done. It was too much, Rose. It hurt less to shut you out. To push you away. There was so much sadness and despair…I truly thought that I would only be able to feel those feelings the rest of my life—would be consumed by them forever. That I no longer had the capacity to love you or anyone else."

A single tear fell down the right side of my face and Dimitri slowly moved his hand up to wipe it away.

"But on the night of the Guardian Ball, I realized that I was wrong."

The room was painfully quiet, but I could hear a roaring in my ears.

That was the night I had told Adrian that I loved him. And Dimitri had overheard.

And…realized that he still loved me?

Suddenly, it felt like fireworks were going off in my brain.

I screamed, clutching my hands to my temples as I fell forward and off the bed. I felt Dimitri grab a hold of me, slowly lowering my down to the floor as he crouched, breaking my fall.

I heard him repeat my name, but he sounded so far away. There was movement at the door of his room, and three blurry figures rushed into the room. I frantically looked around, panicking when my eyes failed to focus on my surroundings.

Suddenly a different set of hands gripped me and a difference voice was calling out my name.

Adrian.

"Rose? Rose. I need you to look at me, Rose. Look into my eyes."

I looked at the blurry outline of his face and slowly his features came into focus. His piercing green eyes came into focus and they instantly filled with relief.

"What is wrong with me?" I whispered, tears freely flowing from my eyes. I found that I couldn't move my arms or my legs. The only reason I wasn't on the floor was because Adrian and Dimitri were currently propping me up.

"Something I should have never agreed to." He whispered back, his voice filled with pain.

He leaned down, pressing his lips against my forehead before he whispered, "Sti."

My world instantly went black.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Sorry for the short chapter, but this just seemed like the place to end it. What, oh what, will happen once Rose wakes up...


End file.
